And The Oscar Goes To…….

Firstly, apologies for the lack of any content over the lack few days. Unfortunately, I’ve been experiencing a few technical difficulties which have proven somewhat “frustrating” to say the least. So thanks for your patience!

Anyway, now I’m back, I thought it only right and proper to talk about this weeks best performance by a supporting actor in a major production of the Uefa Champions League. It was one of those ground breaking performances all too rarely seen these days. One of pure class, pure grace…..Oh, let’s cut the crap, shall we! Dida, you should be ashamed of yourself you pathetic little BLEEP and quite frankly if I were President of either Milan or Uefa I’d ban you, you conniving little cheat!

Who the hell does he think he’s trying to fool? Does he think we were all born yesterday, for Christ’s sake? Sorry, but the kind of awful “play-acting tricks” Dida got up to the other night at Celtic Park, bring the game into disrepute far more than some over-excited bloke swept away on a tide of euphoria with a couple too many pints of Heavy (beer) inside him!

Yes, this bloke should not have got onto the pitch, full-stop! I’m not condoning his actions in any way shape or form, but let’s analyse the facts shall we? This guy is a member of one of the greatest sets of fans in world football. It’s a huge European night at Celtic Park. In fact, let’s face it, it doesn’t get any bigger than hosting the current European Champions, does it? So, let’s call this bloke Jimmy (no obvious stereo-typing here!). Jimmy is rather excited at the prospect of cheering on his beloved Bhoys on against Milan. Anyone who has been to Celtic Park will doubtless remember the type of atmosphere that can be generated there, it’s something special.

Anyway, Jimmy and his mates have probably had a couple of pints before the game, chatting about who will play, what Strachan’s tactics will be and God, wouldn’t it be fantastic if we could beat them? Now, Jimmy don’t get too carried away, son!

Jimmy and his pals yet again provide a fabulous backdrop to a great game of European football and as the game goes on, Jimmy and everyone else in Celtic Park start to believe, even more, that “hold on a minute, we could actually win this!” The excitement and the tension mount and what happens? It all culminates in a fantastic, “almost fairy-tale, too good to be true” last gasp winner for Celtic. Jimmy, as well as everyone else inside Celtic Park goes absolutely mental but unfortunately for Jimmy, he has a sudden rush of blood, sees an opportunity to really celebrates with his heroes, and he’s off onto the pitch and starts running towards the Celtic players on the far side!

Unfortunately for Jimmy, on his journey across the pitch, and let’s face it at this point he’s simply on cloud nine, there stands a disconsolate Dida in his six yard box. As Jimmy runs past Dida he stretches out his arm, in nothing more than a cheeky, “Way Hay” kind of gesture which brushes Dida ever so slightly on the chest. Jimmy, of course, is not bothered with Dida in the slightest, never was, because he never breaks stride and simply carries on running towards his heroes.

Our “Jimmy” in full flight on his way towards his heroes

As Jimmy’s arm brushes Dida, it takes Dida a spilt second to comprehend what has just happened. “What the hell was that that just ran past?” he probably thought. Then he suddenly realised someone was trying to take the piss out of him a little bit, became embarrassed, angry and thought, “I’ll have you, you little…..!” So Dida, absolutely none the worse for wear, because as I said Jimmy only just brushed past him, starts to run after Jimmy to have it out with him. Then Dida suddenly realised, “Hmm!  Hold on a minute, I better crumble like the proverbial sack of spuds here, feign serious injury, try and get Celtic thrown out and get the 3 points awarded to us!” So, down he went, in one of the most unconvincing dives and pathetic cowardly acts you have ever seen!

Not only that, he manages to keep the play-acting up so much, he gets himself carried off on a stretcher for God’s sake! If it wasn’t so pathetic it would be laughable! What the medical staff must have thought I can only imagine.

What I don’t understand is, didn’t Dida realise that his little dive and performance would be captured by about 40 cameras from every conceivable angle and beamed around the world for all to laugh at him and say “what a plonker!”? He knew that Jimmy hadn’t really hit him in the face or done any serious harm. If he’d just stood there and complained to the officials he would surely have received more sympathy and empathy for his situation. No player should have to be confronted on the pitch by a supporter, no matter what that supporter is up to and all Jimmy wanted to do really was probably hug and kiss a few of his heroes, especially Scott McDonald who had just scored one of the most important goals in Celtic’s recent history. No mistake, this was a massive win for the Glasgow giants!

Scott McDonald celebrates his last gasp winner. Whilst Dida, with his arm up, looks like he saying, “Anyone want to run past me so I can make a pillock out of myself?

So, Jimmy had no other option yesterday but to turn himself in at Celtic Park. Makes him sound like some kind of master criminal, doesn’t it? When in fact he’s probably nothing more than a passionate Celtic supporter who just got carried away. No, I wouldn’t have don’t it, and neither would you, but!!

So after Jimmy gave himself up, Celtic had no option but to ban him for life from ever attending another Celtic game, home or away. Can you imagine how Jimmy must be feeling this morning? Absolutely gutted, I would imagine. And as for Dida, he’s probably just feeling like the plonker he is, at least I hope he is! Because whether Dida had fallen to the floor as if Tyson had landed one on him or not, Jimmy was always going to be punished, he just shouldn’t have been there!

I think Uefa need to look more at players play acting to gain an unfair advantage, as Dida tried and Malouda did at Anfield earlier in the season. And Celtic should probably have a word with the stewards stationed near to where Jimmy was sitting! Although I have a pretty good idea what happened. They were all probably celebrating McDonald’s winner just as much as Jimmy! Well, minus running onto the pitch, that is!

Update: Sorry, I’ve just been reading a little more about the Dida “incident” and now I’ve stopped laughing, I just had to quote you this:

Milan sporting director Umberto Gandini has confirmed that he expects Dida to be fit for the game against Lazio” [this weekend]. No!!! Wow , what a miraculous recovery from his death bed. What a hero Dida is!

Hold on, it gets even funnier….Gandini confirmed that Dida had suffered no long-term effects from the ordeal: “I think Dida is fit to play for Sunday.” Long term effects? Ordeal?

God preserve us! (my Mother always used to say that when I did or said something naughty she couldn’t believe!)

Rik
The Soccer Blogger